Dialing up confidence

I woke up wrecked this morning. Normally, I'm the sleep champion in the family, but last night was a disaster. “A work meeting gone bad” kept bothering me. Reason: My lack of confidence during the meeting. I spent the evening sulking. My subconscious continued to sulk even after I hit the bed.

Thankfully, an early morning walk and some self-reflection helped my mind switch to “let’s fix the problem” mode. It got me thinking…what is confidence anyway? How do we become confident? Today’s edition is all about that.

To feel confident, you need 3 things, let’s call them dials:

1. Being competent.

2. Doing valuable work.

3. Deep down, knowing that both the above are true.

If any of these dials get turned down in your mind, your confidence crumbles.

Let’s have a closer look at each of these dials and learn to crank up the volume! 📣💥

Dial #1 — Circle of competence

“I am capable” is a great feeling.

But we can’t be capable of everything. We are too harsh on ourselves when we expect competence in things that are way off in our circle of competence.

What is the circle of competence?

Imagine a small circle inside a big one. The area of the small circle denotes your area of expertise. As you move outward from the perimeter of the small circle, the outer circle is everything you have no clue about. If you try to claim otherwise, you start to suck, big time!

The real deal is knowing your circle of competence. And respecting it.

It’s interesting how people want to appear as a know-it-all. You don’t need a big circle of competence to feel confident. You just need to know everything in your tiny area of expertise.

You can't be the grandmaster of chess in the world but you can be one among your friends.

Let’s say you want to teach athletics to kids. You don’t need to be the best athlete in the world. All you need is to be the best athlete and the best coach in your neighborhood.

I often hear, "You must do the work where you know you can be the best in the world."

It’s a tremendous pressure, don’t you think? To be the best?

How do you compete with everyone else in the world?

The circle of competence takes that load off us.

You can pick the tiniest, most unique area of competence based on your interests and your natural abilities. There is no competition there.

Each of us can shine in what we love the most. I find this thought liberating.

Dial #2 — The value you create

“How valuable our work is to others” matters to our minds.

Let’s say you want to teach piano knowing only a few songs you can play. You might find a complete beginner willing to learn the basics from you. Eventually, they'd want to expand their expertise. Your level of competence won’t be enough for them.

Your worth isn't just about the unique thing you can offer the world; it's also about whether the world needs it.

Fortunately, with 8 billion people on this planet, no matter how niche your skills are, there's someone out there who will value your work. It’s upon us to find them. If we don’t, our mind keeps doubting our worth. And this brings us to the third and most crucial element of confidence—knowing your worth.

Dial #3 — Recognizing your worth

Let’s say you’re the king (or queen) of your circle of competence. ✅

Also, your work is valuable to others. ✅

Unless you 💯 believe that both these things are true, your confidence meter will keep fluctuating.

Interestingly, some people show high confidence even when their competence level is low.

Sadly, research indicates that women often feel less confident than men at the same competence level. Blame it on evolution or social norms working through centuries. The fact remains.

So, for all the women reading this, here’s my simple advice — don't underestimate yourself. You are likely more capable than you give yourself credit for.

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Our genes influence confidence. Some are naturally born with more confidence than others. But, don’t think of it as your hair or eye color that you’re born with. 👁️ Think of it as something you can develop, just like your muscles. 💪

Knowing the three dials of confidence gives you the power to crank it up, even if you’re born with less. So turn the dial to full volume. With confidence, comes the ability to transform our thoughts, ideas, and aspirations into actions.

Regarding the meeting where I struggled, I heard back from them, and to my surprise, they’d like to proceed. I got lucky this time. Now it’s time to walk the talk. Wish me luck anyway!