Overcoming fear — One coffee at a time

On top of Burj Khalifa, stands a daredevil biker, ready to take the plunge. The catch? He needs a sip of a "courage-inducing" drink before defying gravity. It's like the liquid version of "Hey fear, take a back seat, 'cause I'm about to rock this!”

It’s a T.V. commercial for a popular soft drink, Mountain Dew. And as cheesy as its slogan sounds, it captures an important life lesson:

Dar ke aagey jeet hai
— Hindi for ‘There’s victory soon after surpassing fear.”

Thankfully, you and I don’t need to overcome the fear of riding a bike down a narrow runaway from the tallest building in the world. But, our life is full of those heart-pounding moments when the voice in our head says, “Oh no, not again!” Whether it's tackling Mount Everest or just getting through a regular workday, fear has its way of testing our resolve.

The good news is that we don’t need to tackle all fears. You can treat fear like an inbox with spam and important emails. Not everything deserves our attention.

How do we know which ones to mark as spam and which ones are worth meeting up for a coffee?

Here’s a 4-step framework for overcoming your fear.

Define your fear

What is it that you fear? Be specific.

You need to be your own interviewee here. Ask yourself 'why' until you get to the nitty-gritty of your fear.

Here’s how I would go about defining two of my fears:

For my fear of lizards (don’t judge me), the definition ‘I fear lizards’ isn't enough. I need to ask myself ‘why’. Upon a little introspection, I realized that it’s their creepy crawl on my skin that I fear the most. Yikes!

On the professional front, I fear self-promoting my work and coming across as ‘pushy’. I had to dig deeper into this one. It didn’t feel like that on the surface but ultimately, I realized that it’s the fear of ‘I’m not good enough’ that lurks in the shadows. Imposter syndrome anyone?

Measure its impact

Is your fear holding you back from something that genuinely matters?

Is it holding you back from achieving a life goal? From improving your relationships? From becoming fitter, happier, wealthier?

In my case, the first fear is holding me back from living in the wilderness. As I’m content with my urban abode, I don't need to overcome my fear of lizards lurking around my backyard.

The second fear is holding me back from growing my audience. It’s holding me back from building a personal brand, crossing paths with interesting people, and building new friendships and connections. Definitely worth addressing.

We all have our quirks, but we need to distinguish between the lizards in our lives and the fears that truly hinder our growth.

Now that you've defined your fear and know that it's worth fixing, it's time to start fixing it.

Take one baby step

No overthinking. Take one baby step that helps you move the needle:

• If you fear cold emailing, draft an email and send it to 10 prospects.

• If you fear public speaking, try recording a short video of yourself speaking on a topic you're comfortable with and sharing it with a small group of friends or trusted colleagues.

• If you fear heights, go to a nearby lookout point or rooftop with a railing and spend a few minutes enjoying the view.

• If you fear networking events, attend a virtual networking event where you can interact with others from the comfort of your own space.

In my case, I might never feel like my work is good enough. I still need to promote my newsletter without feeling shy or without feeling like an imposter. One baby step would be to share testimonials from satisfied readers (with their permission) to attract new readers.

Reflect and improvise

How do you feel after the first baby step? What went wrong? Not every first date goes perfectly anyway.

Reflect on what went right and what could use some work. Then improvise and work on your next moves.

Keep at it!

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Courage is not just for superheroes or daredevil bikers; it's for you and I who fear lizards, ghosts 👻, and alien strikes 👽🛸. So, let's face our fears, one coffee date at a time, and watch as our confidence grows.

"Most of the time you don't need more information, you need more courage.”
— James Clear