Sandwich messages
Years back before we started homeschooling, both my kids went to a Canadian school. They were little at that time and I frequently visited for book readings and to volunteer. These visits showed me the warmth and kindness of Canadians, known for being the friendliest people.
There was one problem.
They always had ‘kind’ things to say to kids, even when their work required critical feedback.
“This is great work.
If you want, you can also do <this> to improve. [Sounds optional].
Good effort!”
Their mildest form of critical feedback, if any, was optional. And it came sandwiched between kind words.
Sandwich messages are no good.
In the work environment, many bosses follow a similar structure while giving feedback to their subordinates. If there is critical feedback, they'll first compliment them for something nice, then blurt the constructive feedback, and follow it up with something nice.
They think it will help soften the blow. And they would feel better about not coming across as a critical boss.
In reality, the receiver feels equally bad. Sandwiching something negative in between two praises makes them doubt the good parts too.
There is a name for this type of feedback. It’s called the feedback sandwich.
Here’s an example:
Your presentation covered everything. [Good]
But you failed to zero in on a solution, which is what I was expecting from you. [Critical]
You did bring some interestesting points. [Good]
What the receiver hears:
bla bla bla fake praise before coming to the point.
Your work sucked.
bla bla bla to end it politely.
Even if you genuinely mean the good parts, the receiver would ignore it. For them, you are just sugarcoating the bad feedback.
In the case of kids, things can go the other way around.
Teacher: You did great but you can also ...
What the student hears:
I did great! 🤩 Bla bla bla (whatever follows) is not important.
The feedback sandwich works neither for adults nor for kids.
I am no feedback expert but here are a few things I have learned from our homeschooling experience with kids.
Honesty over sugarcoating
It's crucial to be straightforward and clear. Honest feedback is more helpful than trying to make it sound nicer than it is.Challenge, not criticism
Instead of criticizing the work, present a challenge to improve it. Encourage ideas on how can it be improved. Their ideas will help them become more vested in improving it.
Improving standards, not performance
It’s important to convey that you believe they are capable of much more. It’s not a test of their performance. It’s about their expectations of themselves.
Sharing weaknesses, not just strengths
Anything that starts with "When I was your age," is a bad idea. Instead of boasting about past achievements, share your struggles and how you overcame them. e.g., I also found the Chemical bonds tough to understand when I was in grade 7. But then I kept going back to my teacher with my questions and once I understood the concept, it got interesting.
At the end of the day, it’s not about making someone feel good or bad, but about helping them grow and learn. Let's aim for feedback that's clear and motivating. ❤️