The book with my name in it
Happiness series, part 3 — Pep talks
They say to write better, you need to read better. Years back, I read an article. I loved the idea conveyed in it and the writing style. I bookmarked it. I still revisit it from time to time. I subscribed to the writer's blog.
Recently, the same writer, Niklas Göke, published a book called 2-Minute Pep Talks. Imagine my surprise when I saw my name in the introduction of the book!
An article I wrote ended up helping Nik with his work. Just like an article he wrote inspired me with mine. I think it's a wonderful thing and worth bragging about, just this once 😉.
I bought the book and it's a beautiful read. It consists of 67 tiny pep talks. You can read it all in one go (it's an easy read)...or you can read it as and when you need a jolt of inspiration.
I like to read it just before I sit to write. It lights up my brain with fresh ideas each time. That's the thing about a pep talk. It doesn't load you up with something external. It removes the built-up layers of self-doubt. What's left is your original, confident, happy self. That’s the way you’re meant to be.
The Kindle version of this book is just USD $3.99. You can get it here.
In case you’re curious, here’s the article that inspired the introduction of this book. Enjoy the read and pep talk yourself into happiness 😇.
Bring in the Pep Talk — How to quickly reboot yourself and others?
‘I’m not good enough’ is a sick feeling. It’s triggered when you fear losing something that you badly want or when you lose something you thought you never would.
Setbacks or sometimes just the fear of setbacks can throw us far from our expected life trajectory. We are not at our best in such times.
We start to doubt our abilities. Taking even a tiny action can be challenging.
To feel like your best self again, what you need is a pep talk.
Army generals lead their troops with a pep talk. It’s how sports coaches motivate their teams before a big game. It’s how business leaders pump their teams to perform in a challenging quarter.
Even superheroes need it from time to time!
No one is too macho for a good pep talk.
A good pep talk helps you reboot. It helps you build back your confidence and sets you on a path to progress.
People think pep talks are an external dose of confidence injected into the listener. Like handing out an energy gel to a marathoner for an extra mile.
On the contrary, a good pep talk doesn’t load you up with something that doesn’t belong to you. It helps remove the built-up layers of self-doubt and fears. More like taking a heavy backpack away from a runner.
Delivering a good pep talk is the mark of a good leader.
Also that of a good parent, a good coach, and a good teacher. Maybe even a good partner and a good friend.
The best part is that if you learn the tricks of the trait, you can even talk yourself into it. And reap its benefits!
How to self-talk?
Address yourself with your name instead of using pronouns like I or me.
Research has shown that talking to ourselves as a third person helps us control our thoughts, feelings, and behavior better under stress.
Why is that?
A lot of our brainpower goes into regulating our emotions. Much less in reflecting on the negative experiences of others. Simply put, it’s much easier to talk about other people’s emotions than your own!
When you address yourself by your name instead of using pronouns like I or me, you create a psychological distance similar to talking to another person.
So saying, “Mia needs to face her fears and go on the stage” or “Mia, you need to go up there and kill it!” is more effective than “I need to face the big audience.”
You will undergo less emotional stress. Also, it will involve less cognitive effort. Both things keep your brain happy 😇.
While writing morning pages, I tend to write them in the third person. While editing my article, I pretend to be someone else who’s reading it for the first time.
I would do it to get a fresh perspective. But now I realize that it has double the benefits. It improves your work. It’s also mind-friendly 🧠.
Elements of a good pep talk
What exactly goes into a good pep talk?
Can a bunch of “You got it champ!” and feel-good lines lift up spirits? Someone got creative and generated a handy pep talk generator! It looks fun. But it’s not a reliable resource to motivate your team to meet the quarterly targets.
You can’t rely on it to encourage your child when she is struggling to grasp a new Math concept.
Research has been conducted to find the science behind a good pep talk. It concludes that there are three crucial elements of a good pep talk.
Once you understand these elements, you can use them within your context to design an effective pep talk:
Purpose
Answer these questions in your talk:
Why is this important? Why are you doing this? What’s the reward?
What’s the bigger purpose?
e.g., “You’ll be making a difference to the lives of the customers (family, community, or country)”, “Understanding this tricky concept will open the door for many science streams for you like medicine and genetics”.
Empathy
Recognize what your audience is going through. e.g., “I know these are steep targets.”, “I know Statistics is hard to grasp at first. I had a tough time too.”
Recollect a successful past experience where they beat the odds before. It helps them see their strengths and get past their fears. e.g., “Remember last year how you got max sales when other teams were struggling?”, “Remember how you kept on writing relentlessly for hours every day until you finished the story?”
Elicit confidence. e.g., “You got this. I believe in you.”, “I know when you put your heart into something, you don’t stop until you get it.”
The last bit is what most pep talks never miss. But before eliciting confidence, it’s important to first recognize their ordeal. Also, help them see past their fears by recollecting a past experience.
Perspective/Direction
Sometimes, it helps to provide a set of clear instructions about the task at hand. At other times, a framework is sufficient.
e.g., an experienced team of professionals doesn’t need micro steps laid out whereas a bunch of new employees needs more guidance.
As parents, we tend to instruct kids to a T. It makes life easy in the short term. It holds them back from developing creative, problem-solving muscles.
Include frameworks and avoid instructions while giving directions to kids.
The intensity of each element would differ case-by-case. By understanding your audience and context better, you can design a good pep talk.
Happy pep talking 📣