The happiness series — What makes us happy?

One with self, prerequisite for the flow state, and self growth

What makes us happy?

I mean genuinely, truly happy….unlike a bar of chocolate (or your favorite dessert 🍰) that momentarily gives you a kick. But soon after, leaves you craving for more. And then later, leaves you with the guilt of indulgence.

What makes us happy?

I mean happy for a long time…unlike materialistic possessions like buying a house, car, jewelry, clothes, etc. Shopping can lift up dampened spirits before it ceases to do so. That’s the problem with extrinsic triggers of happiness — They lack the depth your mind desires to stay happy.

Of all the experiences that have the potential to make us happy, which are the ones that execute flawlessly each time?

I’m starting this happiness series with the idea of collecting such experiences.

The ones that never fail us. The ones that we can count on even the world around us gets messy. The ones that offer us a safe haven from all the worries, stress, and pressure of daily life.

The one we are focussing on today is about attaining the state of flow — an immersive experience so deep that you become one with the activity.

Imagine yourself with eyes closed, noise-canceling headphones on, and your favorite music playing full blast. You’re plugged into the activity and unplugged from the outer world at the same time. You are so engrossed that you lose track of time and place.

The flow state feels something like that.

The term flow was coined by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi to describe this zen-like state. His decades of research included interviews with hundreds of artists, athletes, and musicians.

Why them?

Because creative folks and sportspersons are known to get into the flow state, or in the zone, as it’s sometimes called, on a regular basis.

It's in this deep state that people produce their best work. No wonder then that the creatives come up with ideas that shape the world.

Whether you intend to change the world or not, attaining the flow state is a definite means to achieve true, intrinsic happiness. Intrinsic happiness is what you deserve, no less.

One with self

Rarely do you come across a book that speaks to your past, present, and future self. Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi is something like this for me.

As I read about the ‘feeling of union with the environment’, it was no less than a eureka moment for me. I suddenly remembered a poem I wrote months back soon after a run.

Here is a glimpse of what I wrote that day and then forgot about it...until I was reminded of it by the book.

One with the road, one with the trees
One with the birds, one with the sea
One with the clouds, one with the breeze
On this run on the East Coast
I feel one with me.

One with the sun, one with the woods
One with the heat, one with the shade
One with the others, one with none
On this run in the Cicada woods
I feel one with me.

I’m far from a poet and my poetry skills are at best, nascent. But that evening, the meditation-like experience of running was so profound that I had the urge to pen it down soon after the run.

In the flow state, you tend to lose yourself to the environment and be in full control at the same time. This combination is the gold standard for performing your best.

And being able to forget temporarily who we are seems to be very enjoyable.
— Mihaly Csikszentmilalyi in Flow

Why don’t we feel one with ourselves more often?

Whether we consciously realize it or not, we are bogged down by self-doubt most time.

Am I doing the right thing the right way? Is this the best way? Are others doing it better? Are others watching me? Self-doubt holds us back from performing our best.

In the flow state, you’re free of the ambiguities of life.

While running, I’m a runner 💯. The thoughts that would normally cross my mind like I’m sweaty or my gray hair is showing…don’t cross my mind.

In the flow state, you’re unapologetically yourself.

Prerequisite

Grandmasters get lost in a game of chess. Someone like me, who doesn’t share the enthusiasm for the game, can’t get the same pleasure from playing chess.

An essential prerequisite to flow state is a certain level of expertise in the area.

I don’t need to be an elite to enjoy a long run. You don’t need to be the world’s best for a flow-inducing activity. But a certain level of expertise is needed to keep you sufficiently interested and challenged.

A tennis player enjoys a game of tennis only if the opponent’s level is challenging enough. If the opponent’s level is too easy, the player gets bored. If the opponent’s level is too hard, the player gets frustrated.

Besides a certain level of expertise, you also need a clear goal and feedback to stay completely involved.

e.g., A tennis player knows exactly what she needs to do — return the ball to the opponent’s court. With each shot, she knows right away whether she did a good job or not.

Self-growth

Once you overcome the basic challenges of that activity, you might even find an otherwise dangerous-looking activity fun.

e.g., Rock climbers feel it’s safer to climb tough rocks than walk in crowded streets. They feel that traffic is less predictable than rocks!

As you practice your flow-inducing activity more, you gain more expertise. With better skills, you also improve the quality of the flow state.

Once you discover your flow-inducing activity, the best thing to do is to constantly keep improving your skills. You won’t just improve your expertise, the flow state will also be more rewarding.

So much so that the experience in itself will be more rewarding than the result. You’ll 10x your happiness.

Thankfully, running is supposed to be good for health. Otherwise, how would I explain those endless hours spent alone running?