The non-judgemental observer

Growing up, my mom always had this mantra: “Focus on your karma (the task at hand) without expecting the reward.” She meant it. She was channeling wisdom from the Bhagavad Gita.

I, on the other hand, was skeptical. “What’s the point of all that hard work if not the reward?” 🙄 Imagine telling a student cramming for exams not to think about grades. Why else would I do the karma (studying) if not for the reward (good results)?

“This funda is flawed,” I’d argue, funda being my go-to slang for a “fundamental principle.”

As an adult, though, I’ve realized there’s more to it than meets the eye. It’s not just about detaching ourselves from the shiny reward or the self-imposed pressure of achieving a goal. Rather…

Immersing yourself in the present is the only way to be happy.

It’s the only way to truly live.

Yeah, yeah, I know—“live in the moment” is the oldest advice in the book. Every self-help guru and Instagram quote says it. The problem isn’t understanding it, it’s executing it.

Take this morning, for example. I thought, Today, I’ll stay present. But in the shower, my mind wandered to everything but the water on my skin: that Netflix show, a client meeting, what to cook for dinner, I haven’t talked to my sister for so long, why didn’t I do so and so….and so on…We’re constantly swinging between regrets about the past and worries about the future.

So, how do we stay in the present?

Becoming a non-judgmental observer

Here’s something I learned from the book I’m reading these days. It’s called the The Practicing Mind by Thomas Sterner.

The secret lies in becoming a non-judgmental observer of your own mind.

Imagine a teacher observing a student. When the student makes a mistake, a good teacher doesn’t get angry or disappointed. They gently guide them back. That’s how we need to treat ourselves.

When your mind starts to wander, notice it without judgment. Gently nudge yourself back to the present. No frustration, no berating yourself—just a little redirection.

What’s wrong with staying fixated on goals?

Another great analogy from the book:

Imagine swimming across a lake toward a tree on the far shore. If you keep your head down, focusing on each stroke, you’ll reach the tree with steady, efficient effort.

But if you keep looking up to check how much closer you are after every stroke, you’ll exhaust yourself. You’ll waste energy on frustration and impatience instead of channeling it into your swim.

When we fixate on the outcome—whether it’s a project deadline, a promotion, or even fitness goals—we lose sight of the process. And ironically, this obsession makes us less likely to succeed.

Progress without pressure—A simple exercise ✍️

Write down your goals for six months from now. Great. Now, tuck that list away.

Review them 6 months from now. Obsessing over progress doesn’t help. Practicing with intention does.

Tom Sterner shares a story about his own growth as a musician. He stumbled upon an old list of goals he’d set five years prior. To his surprise, he’d achieved all of them—and more. The funny thing? He hadn’t felt the moment of “arrival.” His progress had been so gradual, so embedded in the process, that he hadn’t noticed it.

That’s the beauty of focusing on the present. You grow without even realizing it.

---

Living in the moment isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. Becoming a non-judgmental observer is one way to get there. Turns out, my mom’s “funda” wasn’t so flawed after all.

For me, staying present happens when I run—every stride, every breath pulls me back to now. The challenge is to replicate it throughout the day! What’s your way of staying in the moment?

---

“When you stay on purpose, focused in the present moment, the goal comes to you with frictionless ease. However, when you constantly focus on the goal, you push it away instead of pulling it toward you.”
—Thomas Sterner in The Practicing Mind