The rebel in us 😈 — The reactance bias
“Don't read this 🚫” — If that was the title of this newsletter, would you be more or less likely to read it? Hold that thought for a while. Let me first tell you about an interesting incident from a popular sitcom.
Haley, the eldest, invites her big family to her boss's country house. She tells them there’s only one house rule — "Don't touch the tiara." 👑
Of course, everyone does, and the tiara gets cracked. Everyone feels guilty and pays for its repair.
We later realize it was Haley’s master plan all along. She was the one who accidentally broke it. She knew that if she told her family not to touch it, they sure would!
It's not just a sitcom story, is it? Tell us not to do something, and we're all over it. Babies and plug sockets, anyone? 👶🏻🔌
My 11-year-old starts to walk at sloth speed when told to walk fast. My 15-year-old gets more attracted to junk food the more I try to stop her.
Just like if you come across, “Don’t read this”, you’re more likely to read it.
Why are we pulled by what we are told not to do?
Because it threatens our freedom and boy, we will do anything to restore our freedom.
Psychologists call this behavior the Reactance bias.
Reactance is a motivational state that occurs when people feel that their freedom is being threatened. And it compels them to take actions that they see as restoring that freedom.
We crave to be free of the constraints set by others, even if it’s not in our best interest.
Some people are more prone to reactance than others. They might even seek pleasure in others’ pain.
“Some men like to watch the world burn. They can’t be bullied, reasoned, negotiated, or bought.”
— Alfred explains the irrational behavior of Joker, the villain, to Bruce Wayne (Batman) in The Dark Knight
Thankfully, not everyone wants to see the world burn. It’s mostly the defiant ones. ⬇️
Defiant and independent
Reactance is of two types: Defiant and Independent.
You like doing the opposite of what you're told, acting on impulses—this is called defiant reactance.
You strongly want to make your own choices (independent reactance), believing that the alternative is a better, smarter option.
For example:
If you tell a person with high defiant reactance to lower their voice, they will probably start to shout. 🤫🙀
A person with independent reactance, will simply ignore the advice and do what they think is the right thing to do.
Another interesting example of reactance is its effect on young lovers facing opposition from their family and/or friends.
The Romeo-Juliet Effect
Reactance theory is sometimes also called the Romeo-Juliet effect, after literature’s most famous forbidden lovers.
The more the world is against the lovers, the more they resolve to be together.
Does that mean they will be happier together?
Not really.
Studies on various couples suggest that the opposite is true — The lasting success of a relationship depends on whether the couple's friends and family approve or disapprove.
The reactance bias makes a behavior more attractive in the short term. But, in the long-term, forbidden makes it less tempting and leads to failed relationships.
How do we prevent mistakes arising from reactance bias? How can we assist our loved ones, children, and our colleagues in avoiding these mistakes?
Here are three ways. ⬇️
Overemphasizing repels
The more strongly you try to prove a point, the more people get repelled by your idea.
It is important to understand this as leaders, bosses, and parents. People don’t like being told what to do. “Whatever you do, don’t do this thing” is the worst idea.
Ever wonder why people eat the food from the fridge that says “Do not eat this. It doesn’t belong to you.”
So if commanding doesn’t work, what does?
Option to choose. ⬇️
Choices over commands
Give choices; let them think it's their idea. People love autonomy. Leaders take note: let your team choose, and they'll flourish.
If they can’t choose, help them make the right choice. Give them choices that you are willing to live with, e.g., Team leaders can let people choose which part of the project they want to pick. Parents can let kids choose which veggies to eat. One partner can discreetly remove the shirts they don't like, leaving the other with only the shirts they prefer. 😉
But you are free (BYAF) magic
Just adding the words, “But you are free to say no” helps. When people have the flexibility to choose or not to choose, it makes them more likely to choose yes.
On a university campus, people were more likely to say yes to requests like completing a survey or lending their phone when the request was followed by BYAF to say no.
It’s important to not use these techniques to manipulate others. And of course, do not get fooled into doing something you don’t want to do but would still do it just because others don’t want you to. 😎
Each one of us at some point in our lives wants to watch the world burn…at least a little bit.
—Paul Bloom, psychologist