Unsolicited advice
“Try doing this stretch instead,” said a gentleman, lifting one leg up to reach the metal rail by the park.
I was in the middle of my warm-up before a run, and I’ll admit—I was a little startled. I’d seen him around with his dog. We usually exchange a quick smile. We’d introduced ourselves once, but this was technically only our second conversation. So I wasn’t expecting… advice.
Now, I’m no athlete. But I’ve done my research. I follow dynamic stretches before a run and static ones after. I keep learning from running coaches, pacers, and pro runner friends. My warm-ups aren’t random—they’re targeted to activate both upper and lower body muscle groups. Thanks to these routines, I’ve never had a muscle injury during training or in any of the marathons.
So when a random non-runner whom I hardly know offers advice, the first thought that pops up is: Dude, why?
Thankfully, I caught myself. He meant well. Maybe he was trying to be a friendly neighbor. Or just sharing his fitness knowledge, “It’s great for the glutes,” he added casually.
The next day, I was talking to a friend who’s been caring for both her sick parents—away from her own home, her kids, her husband, and her full-time job. It takes incredible strength to do what she’s doing. It’s not something advice can fix.
And yet—unsolicited advice keeps showing up for her:
“You should try feng shui to shift the energy in the house.”
“Try making this kind of food—it might improve their appetite.”
My friend is one of the strongest women I know—emotionally and mentally. But put anyone in her situation, and yes, they’ll need support. Compassion. Presence.
But advice? Not even close.
Of course, my own park-stretch incident was a speck in the grand scheme of things. For my friend, though, the advice wasn’t just misplaced—it was exhausting. Especially when it kept coming.
Unsolicited advice is any input or feedback you didn’t ask for.
It can show up in professional settings:
You’re sharing a design decision, and a marketing teammate suddenly starts critiquing button shapes because they like them more rounded.
The brief was about purpose—not personal preference.
It can show up with friends:
You’re venting about your child’s tantrums, and a friend jumps in with parenting techniques.
It can show up at home:
You’re proudly serving your grandma’s recipe, and your spouse says, “Next time, maybe try it with more lemon?”
It’s everywhere. Friends, family, colleagues, even strangers.
Even when it comes from a good place, it often doesn’t land well.
Research shows that people find unsolicited advice frustrating and intrusive.
Frequent advice-givers tend to be resented, not appreciated. Why? Because unsolicited advice undermines our sense of agency. It subtly suggests, “You don’t have it in you to figure this out by yourself.”
More often than not, it comes at exactly the wrong time—when we need empathy, not direction.
How to deal with unsolicited advice?
Here are a few practical ways to handle unsolicited advice, without losing your mind (or your relationships):
Set the frame before you speak.
If you're about to share something emotional with someone who you know tends to jump in with advice, say upfront: "I just need to vent for a bit—not looking for solutions right now."
Be specific about what’s open for input.
Especially in meetings, clarify your intention."I’d love your thoughts on X and Y. Z is already finalized."
This helps focus the feedback and avoids scope creep.
Acknowledge, then redirect.
Say, “Thanks for that, here’s why I’m going with this approach...”Stick to facts. Not opinions.
Show what’s already working.
“I used this strategy in my last project—it got us a 20% lift in X.”Know when to let it slide.
You don’t owe strangers or extended relatives an explanation. Save your energy.
And what about when you’re the one giving advice?
On giving advice
My sister lives by one golden rule:
“Never give advice unless someone asks.”
I think that works—unless you’re a parent. That’s where it gets tricky. We want to guide our kids. But when advice becomes constant, it loses its power. Kids start tuning it out. Worse, it can hurt their confidence.
As leaders, too, advice can backfire if it feels like criticism.
So how do you guide someone without undermining them?
Experts suggest:
Ask permission before offering input. (“Would you like a suggestion?”)
Focus on behaviors, not the person.
Build trust consistently, so feedback feels like support—not a threat.
Be excruciatingly selective with advice. No one likes a know-it-all.
In fact, a good rule of thumb: Be a better listener than advisor.
The goal isn’t just to correct someone. It’s to help them improve—without making them feel lesser.
And yes, I do see the irony here.
I just gave you a bunch of advice… on unsolicited advice.
Hopefully, you asked for it by opening this newsletter.
And if not?
Here’s my only unsolicited advice to you: Don’t give any. 😉
🙌