Who's the hero?

Sonder—a realization so obvious, yet so deep

My family and I are moving houses. Packing up an entire life is exhausting, but it has its moments of unexpected discovery. While sorting through my closet, I stumbled upon a small yellow notebook buried in the corner of a shelf. It had been years since I’d written in it.

I flipped through the pages of my Random Thoughts Notebook. There, scrawled in my messy handwriting, was this thought:

"Everyone is the hero in the movie of their life. Play nice to others unless you want to end up as one of the mean side characters in theirs."

I sat there for a moment, letting the words sink in. My past self had unknowingly stumbled upon a profound truth that resonates with me even more today.

There’s a word for it

Recently, I came across a word for this realization: sonder. Coined by John Koenig in The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, sonder is the understanding that every random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own.

Everyone is fighting their own battles.

When I was a kid, I saw life through the lens of my own story. I was the protagonist, the chosen one. Everyone else was just a side character or an extra in the background.

But as we grow, life teaches us otherwise. We start to understand that everyone has battles to fight, insecurities to manage, and victories to savor.

The person you smile at in passing or the old couple walking their dog every evening—they’re not just anyone. To themselves, they’re everything.

"Sonder — noun. The realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own."
—John Koenig

It’s humbling. And also a bit daunting. We’re not alone in our struggles, but we’re also not as unique as we sometimes think we are. Sonder reminds us that the world is a shared stage, full of other heroes playing their parts.

How sonder changes us

Acknowledging sonder isn’t just about intellectual understanding—it’s a shift in perspective. When we truly grasp that everyone is the center of their own universe, it changes how we interact with the world.

We become more patient with strangers. We’re kinder to the barista who gets our coffee order wrong. We forgive the coworker who misses a deadline. We’re gentler with the customer service rep who’s fumbling through their script.

Sonder teaches us to approach others with empathy, even when we only share a fleeting moment with them. Because in their movie, that moment might matter more than we realize.

A better movie

Carrying this awareness makes life richer—not just for us, but for everyone we interact with. It reminds us to be less judgmental, more forgiving, and infinitely more compassionate.

And maybe, just maybe, if we all embraced a little more sonder, the world would feel a bit less divided, a bit more connected.

At the end of the day, we’re all just trying to play our parts the best we can, in movies we’re still figuring out.

So, here’s to better stories and better lives for everyone. ❤️