Four tools to overcome rumination

Woulda, coulda, shoulda—but didn’t

Mar 27, 2025

Every Thursday, my 13-year-old goes for track-and-field training, and I love bringing him. While he’s out on the track, sprinting and sweating it out, I sit on the stadium steps with my laptop, writing this newsletter. It’s 1.5 hours of uninterrupted focus—just me, my thoughts, and the rhythmic sounds of shoes thumping on the track. 🏃🏻

There’s something strangely calming about it. The shouts of coaches, the sharp blast of a whistle, the hum of athletes pushing their limits—it creates this perfect white noise that helps me think better. It’s become my little ritual.

Except today, I left my phone at home.

It was charging in another room, and I forgot to grab it on my way out. No phone meant no hotspot, no writing, no productivity. Just 1.5 hours of mentally kicking myself. 😣

I should’ve double-checked before leaving.
I could’ve been more mindful.
I would’ve gotten my work done if I hadn’t made that mistake.

The classic woulda, coulda, shoulda loop.

It’s one thing to dwell on a small mistake like this. But when our minds keep replaying the past—mistakes, failures, missed opportunities—it can become a serious problem.

The problem with rumination

Rumination is a fancy word for overthinking about the past. It’s like mentally scrolling through your worst moments on repeat, except you never get to close the app. It drains the joy from the present and locks you in a cycle of regret, guilt, or frustration.

Signs you might be stuck in a rumination loop:

You can’t move past negative feedback.
You keep thinking about past setbacks and bringing them up in conversations.
You obsess over avoiding mistakes, double-checking and triple-checking your work.

Overthinkers don’t need much to get triggered. Seeing a successful classmate might send you into a spiral about career choices. Noticing someone fitter than you might make you regret skipping workouts. Instead of problem-solving, rumination just makes you feel stuck.

And it’s more common than you think—research shows over 57% of women and over 43% of men are prone to it.

So how do you break free from it? Here are four tools that can help:

1. Schedule time to worry

Sounds counterintuitive. But if your mind constantly pulls you into rumination, give it a designated time slot.

Set aside 15-30 minutes a day (not before bedtime) as your official “worry time.” If a negative thought pops up earlier in the day—“I should’ve chosen a different career path”—tell yourself, I’ll think about this at 2:30 PM.

Why it works:

It reassures your brain that you’re not ignoring the issue—you’re just postponing it.
When you have limited time to dwell, your mind naturally shifts into problem-solving mode instead of endless brooding.

Rumination tricks us into believing we’re working through a problem when we’re really just marinating in it. Time-boxing forces us to be intentional.

2. The 60-second gaze (from Dr. Andrew Huberman)

Find a spot—a dot on the wall, the edge of your desk, even your phone screen—and stare at it for 60 seconds. Keep your eyeballs still and focus on the details.

Why it works:

Our visual field is directly linked to our thoughts.
Fixating your gaze disrupts the mental loop of overthinking and resets your focus to the present.

When we ruminate, our eyes move around, following the spiral of thoughts. By physically stopping eye movement, we send a signal to the brain to stop looping. It’s a simple, science-backed way to interrupt the cycle.

3. Thought train

This tool comes from the book "Live More, Think Less" is by Dr. Pia Callesen.

Imagine yourself standing at a busy train station. Every train that pulls in represents a thought. Some trains (thoughts) are useful—like the “I should call my mom” train. Others? Not so much—like the “I should’ve handled that meeting differently” train.

The key is choosing which train to board. You can’t stop thoughts from arriving, but you can decide which ones to engage with.

Why it works:

It helps you detach from unhelpful thoughts instead of getting lost in them.
If you accidentally hop on the wrong thought train, you can always get off at the next stop.

This technique takes practice, but the more you do it, the better you get at not letting thoughts take you for a ride.

4. Move your body

Never underestimate the power of movement. When your mind is stuck in the past, move your body in the present.

Step outside.
Look at a tree.
Walk around the block.
Call a friend.

Why it works:

Physical movement shifts mental patterns.
Changing your environment disrupts thought loops.

It’s simple but powerful. When the mind feels trapped, let the body lead the way.

So how did I get this writing done?

I caught myself before boarding the woulda, coulda, shoulda train of “Oh no, I don’t have my phone!” 😱 Instead of spiraling, I borrowed my son’s phone for the hotspot and got to work.

Honestly, staying 1.5 hours away from my phone might have done me some good. Maybe next time, I’ll intentionally leave it behind.

After all, the present moment is always more powerful than the past.